Dude, are you fucking this up?

Oh dear. This is one thing I could have done without today. It was a crap Monday, compounded by some unnecessarily created relationship tension. (My fault.) Today started out not much better, with the unwelcome addition of more relationship tension. (This time, not my fault.)

The remix has a ticket to the Rolling Stones show, tomorrow. A free ticket. A free ticket from a friend. So far, so good, right. A free ticket from a friend who’s a boy. Uh oh….danger, Will Robinson, danger! Like a shot, my brain is off and running with utter disregard for anyone’s feelings but my own. I’m trying to be reasonable, arguing with the demonic little voice in my head over and over again, trying to be ok with this.

It’s not like a date. Oh yeah? Tell her you’re going to see The Who with the girl from customer development, see who thinks that’s a date. Ok, ok. But I know she’s not interested. Who cares if she’s interested, he clearly must be? What do you mean? Oh come on, you fucking putz. You’re single and you get a free Stones ticket, who are you calling? The Best Friend, or some girl you’re trying to score? Give me a break, here, they’ve been friends forever, he’s had his chances. Right, and all those girls you were “friends” with, you never gave up hoping that some day the switch would go on and they’d be willing to redefine? Maybe he doesn’t have anyone else to go with? Maybe he should get his own girlfriend and quit borrowing yours? Look, she and I have been over this already. I told her that I’m only uncomfortable when she’s doing stuff I’d be embarrassed to have to tell my dad. Right on. Call him up, tell him some dude is taking her to see the Stones, and enjoy the awkward silence. It’s the Stones! It’s a special occasion! She knows I’m uncomfortable, but it’s the Stones! I see, so your feelings matter…as long as it’s not something really cool? I’m a big boy, I can deal with this. Then why are we having this conversation? You’re just insecure. I’m past all this. Uh huh. Obviously. I mean, it’s not like you’re whining to the internet about it or anything, right?

And so on and so on. The battle rages, rational grown-up DJ against sixteen year old, jealous DJ. And the winner is….absolutely no one. One of two things happens here. One, she doesn’t go, she resents me for being so insecure, the friend thinks I’m interfering and too clingy, and I’ve managed to simultaneously piss her off and unite her with the person I’m already feeling insecure about in one fell swoop. Perfect. Two, she does go, I have hurt feelings, wondering why she’s so willing to disregard my feelings, unnecessarily resentful of the friend, and I can’t even tell anyone because I refuse to deal with the sympathetic looks and sneers from my friends and coworkers.

Christ. Why is it always hardest to do the right thing when you know you’re blatantly wrong? I am so not in the mood today.