There's still a couple things I don't know...

So I have no excuse. None whatsoever. I have 32 minutes until the laundry is done, and when the timer beeps there will be folding and muttering under my breath. I'm not hungry, I don't need to clean anything...nothing to do but add a posting here.

Yesterday the Remix and I were talking idly (as we so often do, gladly, at great length and to my unceasing amazement) and I mentioned that there were literally dozens of things I'd like to know how to do, but just don't have time for. Lousy excuse, right? But it's true. The things listed below are all things I'd like to learn, but not one of them is important enough to me to take time away from anything else. Without further ado...

I'd like to learn:

• to shoot a gun. A handgun, even though I'd never bring one into my home. I'd like to know if I'm good at it.
• to sing harmony.
• to play the guitar. I owned a bass for a while, purchased under the influence on Ebay (Ebay should come with a breathlyzer, or so my college Visa bill would suggest), but my fingers are far too stubby to actually play the damn thing.
• Computer programming. I was good at visualBasic in high school, but that's as relevant to now as my guidance counselor's insistence that I pursue a career in law enforcement.
• to properly make menudo, or molé, or enchiladas, or any of the other fragrant oddities my great-grandmother used to make for holidays.
• the keyboard shortcut for a lower-case e with an acute accent (é)...oh, right. Just did. check it off the list.
• to swing dance. Swing dancing is totally cliché (there it is again!) now. It's not cool to take swing lessons, unless you also think it's cool to wear sweatshirts with Disney characters and fanny packs on vacation. But...if you just know how to swing, and you can bust it out just at the right time at a wedding, or a bar, you're instantly so cool Frank Sinatra would go get your drinks.
• to play the piano. Well. Like, hear a song on the radio and start playing along well. I can read music, and pick out Joy to the World with one hand, but it's not even close to the same.
• to wiggle my ears.
• to play blackjack.

So there it is. All the things I would do if I could, if I had time, and space in my brain. On the other hand...

I'd like to forget:

• reading Running With Scissors. Terrible book. Worst thing I've read in the past five years, including the bad sci-fi paperbacks my pop keeps in the guest bathroom.
• the lyrics to T-U-R-T-L-E Power, Total Eclipse of the Heart, Somewhere Out There, and Hit Me Baby One More Time. (And a solid 300 more awful songs that reside somewhere in the back of my mind.)
• the day my grandma died.
• how to play backgammon. I mean, really, when is that going to come up again?
• 16 years of Sunday church services.
• seeing Armageddon, Nothing But Trouble, The Blair Witch Project, Con-Air, and Corky Romano, my official top 5 worst movies I've ever seen.
• what asparagus tastes like.
• putting my dog to sleep.

See, there's plenty of ways to make room there. Anyone have an idea on how to pull it off? First person to show up here with a powerpoint and a bonesaw gets to do the operation.